Chapter 3

It is always fear

of one’s own death

that blocks recognition

of the Kingdom.


November 2, 1987


            Now we begin.


            Beloved brother,

            for that is surely what you are,

            I have come because you have asked.

            I will share with you,

            during the course of our encounter of this moment,

            that which will reveal to you

            the harmony of the Kingdom.



            you will notice that I favor

            the use of terminology

            clearly Christian,

            though it should be seen that such terminology

            is better viewed as Judeo-Christian.

            I do this because such terms are easily identifiable

            relative to the time I walked among you.

            It is certainly not the only format

            which could be chosen.  


            I am not limited,

            nor are you.

            The only difference of significance between us

            is that I have fully acknowledged

            my unlimitedness,

            while you choose not to.



            over the past five years,

            as you perceive the flow of your experience,

            much insight has been achieved

            for one good reason:

            you have desired it.

            Desire, then,

            is the first factor required

            in the process of emerging

            from the sleep you have existed within

            for millenia.


            I am quite aware

            of what you think is doubt.

            Consider this:

            could it be fear of the obvious?

            What changes would occur in your life

            were you to acknowledge

            that you,

            born of your desire,

            had indeed brought forth

            into manifest expression

            the experience of joining with the mind of Jeshua,

            the “Christ?”


            The latter term is not a title I demanded.

            It was placed upon Me

            by those who refused

            to fully acknowledge My message

            within themselves.

            The failure to do so

            is always the result of fear.


            Fear is the only energy

            which can separate you

            from the Kingdom.

            It is not the “fear of God,”

            but the fear of one’s own self.

            This is misplaced by projecting it on to God,

            which must be perceived

            as something wholly other.

            Contemplation of this alone

            can facilitate much movement

            within one’s consciousness.

            And is not all such movement

            but the surrender of limitation,

            owned as self-created?


            Therefore, My unlimitedness allowed Me to state,

            without the least hesitation:

            “I and My Father are One.”


            One enters the Kingdom

            when the obvious truth of this statement

            is acknowledged in one’s own mind.

            It marks the surrendering

            of self-imposed limitation.

            I wish it to be quite clear

            that My choice of the word

            “darkness” should always be equated with fear,

            which is the one form of energy

            you may be said to have created.


            In the Kingdom,

            it does not exist.


            You are loved wholly,

            you have never sinned.


            It is the nature of the Dreamer to

            believe in his Dream.

            The Dream you know well.

            The Reality you dimly perceive,

            like the echo of a melody

            faintly coming back to you.

            Listen to it, and it alone.


            This is where your special abilities are of value.

            Sharing with others

            the art of being silent

            can alone assist those who seek the Kingdom

            to come to a place of vulnerability,

            where we can speak to them.


            The Kingdom cannot be lost,

            but it has been forgotten.

            Yet in the forgetting is born the very substance

            of genuine remembering.


            We use whatever you dream

            as a mechanism for your awakening.

            If I may be allowed brief levity here,

            though you trudge across white carpeting

            with muddy feet,

            we transform it into an exquisite tapestry

            which will grab your attention.


            Just this is the harmony of the Kingdom:

            nothing, absolutely nothing,

            can ever serve but to nudge the Dreamer

            toward the end of his sleep.

            This is why,

            when I first spoke to you

            several months ago,

            I emphasized that

            your moment-to-moment experience

            is the path to your enlightenment.

            It is harmonious,

            and but a glimpse assures

            even the most skeptical

            that this is so.


            You will have noticed by now

            that your asking for contact with your guides

            does not require our consent

            for communication to occur.

            Your asking is your consent

            to allow what is always available to you.

            It is an exercise in the release of fear.

            It occurs when the Dreamer,

            however dimly,

            begins to perceive there is something quite odd

            about the nature of the Dream.


            The Dream is the entire realm of fearful experience

            which has burst forth from that one initial thought:

            “I am separate from God.”

            It occurred countless eons ago,

            yet only a moment ago,

            for time is but part of your Dream.    


            One of your guides has repeatedly emphasized

            that the attitude one needs to adopt

            in order to awaken from the Dream

            is to “allow, allow, allow.”

            Asking for guidance fosters this,

            and is the implicit recognition

            that nothing else has worked,

            that there is nothing else to be done.



            this act of allowing is horrifying

            because it feels like dying,

            an experience quite well known

            to the separate ego!


            For this reason,

            the majority of seekers remain forever seekers,

            searching for some form of magic that will,

            in essence,

            bring enlightenment to them.


            This cannot work,

            for awakening requires a receptiveness.

            This can only occur

            in the attitude of allowing,

            that is,

            the allowing of death to occur.


            It is irrational to the separate self

            that the greatest doing occurs in the act

            of doing absolutely nothing.


            “My burden is light and My yoke is easy.”


            No effort is required to enter the Kingdom.

            Allowing is the key to the doorway

            beyond the Dream of the Dreamer.

            Only a moment’s reflection will indicate

            how tired you, Marc,

            have become of your Dream.

            This initially can create great conflict

            as it dawns upon the Dreamer

            that something is amiss,

            yet his brothers perceive it not,

            and all attempts to share what is felt

            lead only to the frustration of failure. 


            One cannot make the Dream end,

            because the Dreamer is part

            of the Dream.

            Allowing is the process

            of surrendering the Dream

            of the Dreamer himself.

            When the Dreamer dissolves,

            so, too, does his Dream.

            There is then only the Kingdom,

            which alone has always been.


            You are an awakening Dreamer.

            As I say this, you will recognize its truth:

            the only difference between you

            and many of our brothers

            is that you recognize the dream

            and the validity of allowing

            as the key to the Kingdom.


            An aspect of your Dream

            was your journey with Me

            in Kanaan and Galilee.

            From many sources have you been given this.

            Let me confirm it for you.

            You were an Essene,

            and even during this present life you have encountered

            many of your fellow dreamers.


            You have heard that you,

            together with your dear friend Kendra,

            were present when I spoke to the multitudes

            on the mount of Olives.

            Know that you were.

            What struck you was not the essence

            of the teaching delivered that day,

            but the recognition that the teaching

            was realized in Me.

            The carpenter’s son had journeyed to distant lands

            and returned a master.

            Such was your perception.



            the doorway to the Kingdom

            became for you

            a jewel to be discovered

            in the East.

            You went there,

            during nine consecutive incarnations,

            to master the yogas and philosophies.

            In this present incarnation,

            you have completed your chosen course.



            This ending, as you well know,

            has been the recognition

            that the Dreamer can master

            the whole of his Dream,

            yet remain enmeshed in the Dream itself.

            You have discovered the very simple key –

            the jewel –

            and is this not the silence of allowing?


            It can be said that your experience

            of My sermon

            was the first genuine movement

            to awaken from your Dream.


            Does it appear to have been a long journey?


            such a perception

            is of the Dream itself.


            I am going to ask that you begin spending

            a little time with Me daily now.

            The work I spoke of earlier

            is now complete

            and we can begin.



            this is not a command from Me,

            only a gentle reminder.

            This participation is your free choice,

            as always it must be.

            That which I AM

            knows nothing of compulsion,

            for love cannot compel.

            It merely attracts the seeker of Reality

            to itself.


            This requires no effort

            but to be available,

            for each and every seeker recognizes Love

            because – however deeply buried –

            there is the recognition

            that Love is

            the true being of the seeker himself.

            This is never denied,

            but it is repeatedly ignored.

            Our task, then,

            is only to gently bring the seeker

            to the experience of attention

            to what alone has always been:

            the Kingdom.


            We will end here.

            I am well pleased with the ease you have come to

            in attending by allowing.

            Is not the journey,

            No matter how fraught

            with seeming dilemma and pain,

            well worth it?

            Bless it, all of it.




November 13, 1987

            Hello, Marc.


“Hello, Jeshua.”


Now, we begin.


            Is it not the comfort

            of absolute knowing you seek?

            Is it not the comfort

            of absolute union you desire?

            For it is a great truth,

            given earlier to you and today reinforced,

            that desire is the primary key to fulfillment.

            Therefore, one needs to assess the object of desire.

            For this I share with you most emphatically:

            what is desired is experienced,


            Such is the bounty of your Father’s table,

            such is the love of your universe:

            “Ask and ye shall receive.”


            I would like to clarify this statement

            which is, by the way, one I did make.

            At a future time,

            I will clarify for you precisely those teachings

            found in the scripture

            which were given genuinely by Me;

            many were not.

            Through this process,

            I will clarify the meaning of those teachings,

            returning them to their original intention.


            “Ask and ye shall receive.”

            It matters not what you ask for,

            nor that the asking

            is perhaps

            what is widely known as “unconscious.”

            The mind has depth.

            The asking of which I speak

            is that which flows

            from the depth of your mind.


            The intent of creation,

            which is the ever-present flow of the Father,

            is to utilize the asking

            as a mechanism for focusing that

            movement of life into form.

            The obstacle, of course,

            is the delusory separation known

            as ego.


            This each of you participates in,

            reflecting to yourselves

            aspects of the grand illusion

            which is your only creation.

            As all of you are of One Mind in Truth –

            the only begotten Son –

            so, too,

            are you of one mind as your illusion,



            Never do you look upon another,

            for there is no “other.”

            You see only yourself.


            It has been spoken many times

            to “Love your brother as yourself.”

            This is because your brother is yourself.

            In loving your brother,

            you embrace all aspects of ego –

            your illusion –

            and therefore begin to release it.

            Upon this crucial understanding,

            we may proceed to an understanding

            of My statement:

            “Ask and ye shall receive.”


            Because you are not separate from God,

            everything held in your mind as desired

            is manifest,

            and you experience it instantly.


            It may appear that this is not the case,

            but I assure you that it is.

            The difficulty comes

            when you insist on the belief

            that you are only this three-dimensional being

            you experience daily.

            You are far more than this,

            even within your grand illusion.


            What I am saying here

            is that experience need not occur

            in physical form to be valid.

            “Look upon a woman with lust

            and you have already committed adultery

            in your heart.”

            This should not be taken figuratively.

            In such a case

            you have already experienced the sexual act



            Of course,

            this holds true

            for all desire held within the mind,

            for the most minute,

            to the most grandiose.


            what you desire is of primary importance.


             “Seek ye first the Kingdom of God”

            means to seek enlightenment above all else.

            This does not mean

            that no other thoughts will be entertained.

            They always will be,

            until the ego is dissolved.


            by desiring the Kingdom,

            the Father –

            through the Holy Spirit –

            will transform every experience you create

            into the means by which you will awaken.


            Make no mistake about this,

            for when there is held as a primary desire

            the experience of God,

            it lies always beyond the limits

            of every ego-based desire.


            the impetus of your soul

            is to get through the limited experience,

            whatever it may be.


            It is for this reason

            that the seeker begins to sense

            that all of his experience

            is somehow symbolic of something

            which lies beyond itself.

            You have described this to others

            as a growing sense of transparency.

            Of course,

            what grows more transparent

            seems to be losing its meaning.


            it is losing its limited meaning,

            since it was conceived

            in the limited thought of the ego.



            nothing satisfies.

            Now the ego is on shaky ground,

            for its foundation – separation –

            is but the limited thought upon

            which the entire edifice of all your experience

            is based,

            and it, too,

            becomes transparent.


            this is interpreted as death,

            and it quite literally is.


            To be “born again”

            means only that the identification with the ego



            This is, obviously, widely misunderstood.

            It is always fear of one’s own death

            that blocks recognition of the Kingdom.


            For those who have been immersed

            in the distorted beliefs

            about my life’s mission upon the earth,

            I would offer this suggestion:

            Give up the hope of salvation,

            Because you have misunderstood it.

            You –

            identified with your thought of a separate self –

            will not,

            and cannot,

            be saved by Me.

            Your desperate desire for this

            creates the illusion of salvation,

            since you always experience what you desire.

            But to enter the Kingdom,

            desire must be born of right intention.



            “Ask and ye shall receive,”

            is a statement about the laser-like focus

            of creative energy

            which is the abundance

            of the Father’s table.


            Ask, therefore,

            not for salvation,

            because your ideas of it

            are distorted.

            Ask, instead,

            that you awaken from every last trace of belief

            that you have ever been separate from God.

            This will focus the impetus of your soul

            with right intention.

            Since you receive what you ask for,

            clarity of thought is essential.



            the thought you received

            concerning The Jeshua Letters

            is quite valid.

            Allow this to come into being.

            Rest assured that we will be guiding this

            at every step.


            The stage of your own process

            could be called the “stage of allowing.”

            This is reached when every attempt to make,

            or manipulate your world,

            has utterly failed.

            Failure in your world

            is a blessing of the highest order,

            because it marks the beginning

            of the end of illusion.


            It is thus that we have shared with you

            that the entire array of perceptions

            held by the world consciousness

            is diametrically opposed

            to the Truth of the Kingdom.

            Failure marks the surrendering of ego,

            and this failure is inevitable.

            All perceived success

            stemming from the impetus of ego

            is temporary:

            failure is its only certainty.

            Rejoice, therefore,

            in the recognition of your failure.

            It marks the beginning

            of the last days of your journey

            to the abode of the Holy Father.


            Here, we will end.

            Go always with blessings

            for you are the Son of the Father,

            and you are loved above all things.



November 21, 1987


Events of the past few months have brought rapid changes. Changes in relationships, changes in goals, changes in even the most basic of perceptions. The world looks different somehow, although I cannot describe the difference. Even though most often I seek to carry on in my same old ways, the communications from Jeshua are clearly shifting the sands upon which my house is built. When the foundation moves, so, too, must everything else.

 If only I could be alone. If only I could be undistracted for a while, perhaps I could make sense of it all. Perhaps whatever is happening could be hastened to a conclusion. I picture in my mind a new place to live, a quiet, peaceful apartment, conducive to the inner work I need to do. I choose to keep this day for myself. No work, no chores, no errands, just… I am not sure!

I begin driving, with no known destination. Odd, since driving – even to the corner store – is not high on my list of fun things to do. Feels like a left turn here, okay, there you go, Marc, straight for a while? Why not? No, another left, and now that familiar shift occurs, and I know Jeshua is present. As he speaks to me, suggesting that I go to the mountains, I see a picture of a waterfall. I find it a bit humorous. I am in bumper-to-bumper traffic, listening to a thoroughly invisible “somebody” and choosing to follow his suggestion! Don’t think I’ll tell anyone about this for a while.

Assuming that any waterfall will do, I head for Spray Falls. It is about an hour’s drive through such world-famous cities as Buckley and Wilkerson, the “Gateway to Mount Rainier.” It is a place of power and transformation for me, a place of soft beauty. At this time of year it should not be too crowded at Mowich Lake, where the trail begins.

On the logging road now, I continue driving up the mountain, swerving from side to side in an effort to miss the potholes. Suddenly there is a barricade in the road! Early snow must have already come to the lake. I have several miles to go and the damn road is closed!

“I knew it!” I scream at the greying sky. “I knew it was imagination! What are you doing, Marc? It’s starting to snow, you forgot to get gas, and you’re out here chasing chimaras!”

Sighing, I think to myself, “Might as well take a walk.” I hop over the barricade, and begin walking up the road, soft snowflakes falling through a wind-still sky, touching my cheeks and nose. I have not gone more than twenty yards, when I am stopped by a faint noise. I meander off in its direction; it grows louder. It is the sound of rushing water. It is the sound of a waterfall!

Momentarily embarrassed by my lack of faith, I quickly scramble up the forested hillside, and as the earth levels off somewhat I begin to feel an exhilaration. A glance at towering old-growth evergreen and cedar trees, disappearing into the white of falling snow. They are so beautiful, and speak of power and wisdom in their majesty.

Now, I am there. Gentle waterfall cascading over shining rocks, becoming a stream that meanders across soft forest soils blanketed in the velvet of vibrant green mosses.

I sit on my haunches. My eyes fall on a small, delicate, snow-laden flower, its petals barely discernible from the pure white of the snowflakes resting upon them.

A feeling comes up. It wells up from a place deep within, then is transformed into words uttered not to human ears, which all too often cannot hear, but to Life, which already knows the Truth of what is spoken:

We are but One.

            My peace I give unto you.

            Not as the world gives, give I unto you.

A joy begins to radiate out like streams of energy. It pours out of my fingertips and down through my feet into the earth. Standing, I turn my gaze skyward and shout: “I and my Father are One!”

I twirl and whirl, and laugh out loud. I embrace trees and moss and flower and open my mouth to the falling snow. I touch sacred intimacy.

After some time, though I haven’t any idea how long, it is as if the trees are speaking: “Time for you to leave now.” I stroll out of the forest, return to my truck, and begin driving down from the mountain.

It is said with utmost clarity, resounding through me from ears to toes so that I turn to look, expecting Him to be sitting in the passenger-seat, even as I slam my foot on the brakes, and come to a halt.

Your apartment awaits you.

Just as abruptly the curious feeling lets go of my cells; a liquid light withdrawing like a wave from the shoreline. It’s again just me, sitting in my truck on this logging road. The road ahead winds downward, leading me back to the world, the one that seems so real, yet – if I consider what Jeshua is teaching me – is anything real?

The conflict comes into my being as my mind momentarily wars with itself, but dissolves as a whole new thought emerges: perhaps this road leads not back into the world, but through it. To what?

My foot shifts slowly from the brakes to the gas pedal.   


Fresh from the ecstatic experience just past, I choose to trust the statement about my apartment, and act on it.

“Hi Kendra.” We hug in the doorway, I take off my coat, and we sit down in the kitchen.

“Well, stranger, what have you been doing with yourself?” she asks, as we settle into our chairs.

Perhaps if it were someone else, I would not share my experience in the mountains. Thank God for this marvelous human being, who knows everything there is to know abut me, and still loves me! I proceed to share with her al that transpired, especially the part about the apartment awaiting me.

“Well, what do think it means?” she asks, but her smile says something else, like: “Make your choice, Marc. Either you believe it or you don’t.”

In that instant, I know my friend is prodding me, assisting me, supporting me. Teachers are all around us, constantly.

“I think it doesn’t mean anything unless I live it. So let’s put it to the test. Where is the paper? If the apartment is available, I’ll find it there.” But I am nervous. What if it isn’t?

Kendra brings me the paper, then busies herself in the kitchen as I circle ads and begin making calls on any description that sounds remotely attractive. Several calls later depression is beginning to set in, or – at the very least – my old familiar doubt. I have scoured the paper several times, quite systematically. It’s just not happening.

Finally, I see an ad. The apartment is close to a special neighborhood I lived in once. The rent is much higher than I can afford. “I think I’ll go take a look at this one.”

An hour later I’m back, a little dejected. It was definitely not the right place. Suddenly I catch myself. No, I am not going to shrug my shoulders, conclude I have a vivid imagination, and forget the whole thing. It happened. I heard that voice so clearly.


“Kendra, this is maddening. Why am I experiencing this, anyway?”

“They never make it easy, do they?” she answers gently, referring to those unseen guides beyond us.

“Give me the paper again!” I practically rip it out of her hand and once again turn to the classifieds. I glance down the first page, then the second, then the third, finally the fourth. My eyes stop, my breath stops. There is a small ad, sandwiched between two I had previously circled and called.

For rent. Large one bedroom.

            Marine view. Available Dec 1.

I cannot believe I hadn’t seen it before. It had to have been there.

“Hello, I’m calling about the apartment for rent.”

“I’m showing it at 4 pm. The lady seems quite certain she’ll take it, but if you want to have a look, feel free to stop by.”

“I’ll be there. What is the address?”

“Marc, you’re beaming! What is the deal?” Kendra asks, as she hands me my coat.

“The apartment is one block from the one I had in the North End after returning from college. Same view of Commencement Bay, same peace and quiet. My favorite place to live!”

“Oh, God, I’m getting those shivers again, Marc! It’s yours!”

For a moment my rational side resumes control. After all, I can’t just boldly agree, can I? Not quite willing to run that risk, I respond casually: “There’s one other person to look at it before me. I guess if she takes it, it just wasn’t meant to be.” At least I’ve left myself an out.

The tilt of Kendra’s head and the look in her eyes seem to say: “You know damn well this is it.” She’s caught me, again. What are good friends for?

I arrive just as the woman looking at the apartment is coming down the stairs. “Let me think about it, and I’ll call you tomorrow,” she exclaims to the landlady. Seeing me, she smiles and says, “Now don’t go and rent it just yet, okay?”

I hardly see the apartment. I do not even go into the bedroom or the bathroom. I see the view, the lights on the water, tankers resting in the calm harbor. More importantly, I feel it. This is it. How about that? It was waiting for me!


November 22, 1987

It is 3 a.m. – 3.22 to be exact. I am, or was, sleeping soundly. As I begin to stir restlessly, I am further awakened by a gentle voice which, this time, carries a sense of persistence.

Marc, arise and write.

 “Shit,” is my only thought. It is 3.30 in the morning, and nobody gets up at 3.30 in the morning because some voice suggests they do so.

Marc, arise and write.

               The communication will flow

               with great ease at this time.

Okay, okay. I am begrudgingly, awake anyway.

“Hmmm,” I think to myself as I sit with pen in hand, “if it’s going to be like this I’ll have to remember to leave my glasses out.” Next time.

Now, we begin.

                Think not that you can direct the flow of your life

               from the viewpoint of your conscious mind.

               It is not designed with that capacity,

               for its purpose is not found there.

               I would ask you to fully accept

               that the mind is designed to be not director

               but servant.


               A servant of what?

               Of the flow of your life,

               that mysterious movement of Life through you.

               It is the movement

               which springs forth

               from the Father

               and is to be enacted

               by the Son

               who participates in the Atonement.


               It cannot be controlled,

               for the concept of control –

               even the need of it –

               is but born after entanglement

               in the illusion of Separation.

               For what would you control

               but that which you distrust?


               Dwell upon this for a moment,

               and then we will continue.

               I would like to address

               your experience yesterday in the mountains

               which you are coming to love so dearly.


               is it not clear

               that you are already past the recognition

               that there is only one Mind?

               For words which the world has judged

               as belonging solely to Me

               as the only begotten of the Father

               poured forth from you with no sense of separation.

               You were, in fact,

               the Mind that uttered those words.


               To clarify:

               in that moment

               you chose to allow

               the true heritage of your being

               to be lived consciously,

               that level of Mind

               which is whole, complete,

               “…being of one substance with the Father.”

               This level is the only level

               that can be said to possess Reality.

               Anything else is illusion,

               born of the choice to inhere

               in the sheer fantasy of Separation.

               It is precisely this recognition

               to which the children of God must be directed.

               The Son is one Mind.

               It responds to the impetus of the Father’s thought,

               which is creative,

               and enacts this thought,

               creating in the express image of the Father.

               For image is the form

               of the Father’s holy thought.


               Yet I would add

               that what we are calling here

               the Father’s “holy thought”

               is imageless;

               it is but the flow of life,

               the matrix from which

               the Son draws the impetus for His work.

               That matrix can be described as Unconditional Love.


               when a mind is awakened

               to the truth of its identity,

               its creative enactment is always loving.

               Its creations image what the Father is,

               providing an opportunity for minds

               inhering in the bondage of illusion

               to witness the image of what alone is Real.

               When Love made visible is witnessed,

               it can be recognized,

               and a movement toward enlightenment is made,

               without effort.


               We could say

               that the mind is touched and for a moment –

               however fleeting –

               it recognizes the highest good available to it.

               For this reason

               is every act of love to be cherished.


               All minds are channels of love,

               to the degree that they choose to be awake.

               The minds of humankind

               are intoxicated with love.

               They long for love

               because the Truth of who they are,

               and what alone is Real,

               is necessarily within them.


               The awakened Son

               merely enacts the movement of Life,

               which is Love proceeding from the Father,

               for the benefit of those who remain asleep.

               The children of God are but in truth,

               aspects of the only begotten Son.



               all love enacted is self-love,


               as you have begun to recognize,

               we are each our brother’s keeper

               because of the simple truth

               that we are our brother.


               When viewed from the illusory perspective

               of Separation,

               this is incomprehensible.

               When viewed from the perspective

               of Reality,

               it is the most obvious,

               and simplest,

               of facts.

               You comprehended quite accurately –

               while experiencing love

               in a moment’s relationship

               with a snow-covered flower –

               that when all the children of God

               allow themselves to utter,

               without a trace of resistance

               or self-consciousness,

               one simple statement,

               the Atonement will be completed,

               on earth as it is in heaven.

               The statement is this:

               “I and My Father are One.”


               Now, Marc,

               return to your sleep.

               But know the day when sleep will be no more,

               is quickly coming to the mind

               of the only begotten Son,

               as it enacts upon your beloved earth

               the one thought of the Holy Father.

               Know, too,

               that you are the beloved Son,

               “in whom I am well pleased.”

               You are blessed always.

               You need simply stretch forth your arms

               with palms open and uplifted,

               and the bounty of the Father’s table

               shall be bestowed upon you.

               It is simply the allowing

               of recognition to be manifested.


               My blessing upon you.



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